Inner Reflections

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“Many people try to become wiser and more loving, and they remain in a constant battle with themselves. This approach never works because it assumes a separate ‘you’ who wants to be a better person. It is the you that is the dream, a thought only. In taking yourself to be a separate entity, you blind yourself to the Truth of your being, which is love and wisdom.” Adyashanti

Within the eyes of our own reflexivity we shall see a wider array of our outer reality; revealing what we magnetically attract to ourselves. In greater awareness, when we can become more of a witness, we can perceive the interconnected attraction that we generate every second.

“The law of attraction is this…you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

After spending most of my life as an easily reactive individual, despite doing my practice on a regular basis. A situation occurred where I decided that I would make a concerted effort to become more of a witness, than a reactor. In time, I realized that as situations began to unfold, it was as though a part of me was watching this occur. Within this awareness, there was a very subtle moment where I could choose how to react. Through this process, I started to notice all the people who were drawn to me or attracted to me; everyone was going through something energetically similar. As aspects of my life changed, again I attracted people going through apparently similar life experiences.

“Usually where we experience lack, there’s something we already have that we’re not appreciating fully.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Even further, through the Holistic Integrated Therapy that I have been practicing for many years now, most of my clients were also drawing versions of themselves, literally to themselves. The work I do is a combination of counselling, intuition and medical intuition. It’s incredibly effective when going through very challenging aspects of life or situations with other people. Through observing the challenges of many of my long term clients, as well as the numerous friends that also come to see me. I noticed one thing that was very interesting. The most challenging individuals that they came across, ALL had the same qualities that these people also embodied.

The problem, is that most of us are not willing to really face our darkest inner selves and see how we are on a deeper level. Of course, within the ability that I am gifted with, I can see very clearly each person’s energetic qualities. Actually, I have had this ability very fine tuned since I was a very small child and have used it throughout my entire life, with absolute accuracy in every situation.

“We are made for goodness, love and compassion. Our lives are transformed as much as the world is when we live with these truths.” ~ Desmond Tutu

I noticed that we struggle with the abject of ourselves when we meet it face to face in another person. We fight back against them, with a dislike that we actually have towards these qualities that are hidden deep within ourselves. From a spiritual perspective, none of the mind stuff is our true identity. However, from a practical perspective, all of it is associated with our ego. The ego loves to hide its darkness away; out of sight out of mind. Therefore, we show a facade of a friendly demeanor and project outwardly how we would like others to perceive us. Ironically, I have always been able to feel the whole energy of a person, seeing what was hidden beneath.

“When you accept everything for what it is without labels,you are outside your ego.”~Eckhart Tolle.

When we are aware of our own darker tendencies, we learn to have compassion and acceptance towards others negative tendencies.  I am not saying that we accept others bad behaviour, yet we can accept the whole of the individual, even if we see that this person can lose their temper at times or is also human like us. If we can find a place of taking self-responsibility for who we are and all of our tendencies, then it’s easier to see the humanity of others. The reflections of the abject are the strongest in partnership, we see the negative qualities and start to point the finger in blame, “you are like this”. When really, we are most likely the same, in some way.

“When a ship is in the sea, it has to weather storms, rough seas and may even encounter whales or sharks, while the ship anchored in the harbour doesn’t face any such challenges. However, who would make a ship just to moor it in the harbour? When obstacles appear in life, we need to kindle our inner strength and spread the fragrance of selflessness and love. We should be able to lift up others who are drowning in grief.” Amma

One of the most powerful healing qualities is awareness, as once we are able to shed light on our own inner vulnerabilities we can work on changing them. Rather than finding constant fault with others behaviour. It’s far more self-empowering to continuously focus on our inner self and allow these patterns to deteriorate and eventually let them go.

In time, all things are possible if you make the sincere effort, all you need is the persistence and continual awareness. In time, you will attract much more harmonious relations and the depth of compassion and love will allow you to work through difficulties with others in a positive way.

In addition, it is important to maintain a certain level of discrimination and have healthy boundaries around those who we want in our lives.

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A Portrait of The Abject

“When we come into contact with the other person, our thoughts and actions should express our mind of compassion, even if that person says and does things that are not easy to accept. We practice in this way until we see clearly that our love is not contingent upon the other person being loveable.” Thich Nhat Hanh

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The concept of the ‘abject’ is a fascinating theory well known in academia within the domain of the social sciences. It belongs to a highly thought provoking series of discourses on the mechanisms of ‘othering’. The concept of the ‘other’ suggests that such an individual or group of people are different from us in some fundamental way. We are all the ‘other’ to someone and we can never fully know the ‘other’, even if we try as the ‘other’ is constantly evolving and changing. The act of ‘othering’ is a direct manifestation of power relations between our social notion of ‘we’ and ‘they’, often portraying the axes of discrimination and power differentiation that exist ubiquitously within our current cultural paradigm.  

Over the many years since I first came across this particular theoretical concept, it has been something I have witnessed within myself and within society as a standard behavioral normalcy. The concept of the ‘abject’ takes ‘othering’ to the next level, as the ‘abject’ becomes that which we too embody, yet its something that we are not willing to accept within ourselves. The relevance of observing this type of projection is so wide spread within Western society, that almost everyone does this in some form or another. Moreover, If we lack the awareness and inner strength to confront ourselves at a fundamental and honest level; what we do instead is assign blame to something or someone in the external world. Thus, we create a scapegoat, known as the ‘abject’ to project our negative tendencies onto, instead of realizing that they actually originate within our own mind.

As a social and global collective throughout the world, we have very little desire to take the necessary responsibility for our actions or negativity, instead we reassign them to the external world around us, through the medium of people and situations. Hence, the ‘abject’ is a reflected component of ourselves through our own sense of discrimination, hatred and latent negative tendencies. All of our interactions act as a refraction of what lies within ourselves, revealing similar tendencies and the reflection of the ‘abject’ when we have a very strong negative feeling towards someone.

On most, if not all spiritual paths its clear that the only persons reaction that should be understood is our own. Thus if someone’s behavior makes us very mad or is upsetting we must first look at ourselves and why we are reacting so strongly, even if we did nothing seemingly wrong. To truly find any peace or happiness in life we must stop ‘othering’ people, reacting to the ignorance of others actions, and to take full accountability and responsibility for our own reactions and action. Of course we will slip and fall back into the conditioned and learned patterns of social behavior and find ourselves pointing out something about another person who has done or said something that we find disturbing. In this case, we are reminded that we still have a lot of work to do and that we must keep trying to maintain focus on our shortcomings and negative tendencies, rather than on making someone else the target.

I am sure in my life I have done this many times, yet I realized a long time ago that by finding blame in others, my own inner suffering did not lessen. Only by looking within at my own negative tendencies can I eradicate them through using proper discrimination in my actions and behavior towards others. In such situations even if I have fallen prey to pointing the finger at another person’s behavior I have later come to realize that it does not make the situation any better and that by reacting, I am the only one losing anything. As long as we are caught in this pattern of fault finding, we will never have inner mental and emotional peace, yet by lessening this association there will be much less desire to perceive the ‘abject’ in others and through greater self awareness we will gain much more inner peace and a sense of inner unity.

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