Inner Reflections

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“Many people try to become wiser and more loving, and they remain in a constant battle with themselves. This approach never works because it assumes a separate ‘you’ who wants to be a better person. It is the you that is the dream, a thought only. In taking yourself to be a separate entity, you blind yourself to the Truth of your being, which is love and wisdom.” Adyashanti

Within the eyes of our own reflexivity we shall see a wider array of our outer reality; revealing what we magnetically attract to ourselves. In greater awareness, when we can become more of a witness, we can perceive the interconnected attraction that we generate every second.

“The law of attraction is this…you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

After spending most of my life as an easily reactive individual, despite doing my practice on a regular basis. A situation occurred where I decided that I would make a concerted effort to become more of a witness, than a reactor. In time, I realized that as situations began to unfold, it was as though a part of me was watching this occur. Within this awareness, there was a very subtle moment where I could choose how to react. Through this process, I started to notice all the people who were drawn to me or attracted to me; everyone was going through something energetically similar. As aspects of my life changed, again I attracted people going through apparently similar life experiences.

“Usually where we experience lack, there’s something we already have that we’re not appreciating fully.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Even further, through the Holistic Integrated Therapy that I have been practicing for many years now, most of my clients were also drawing versions of themselves, literally to themselves. The work I do is a combination of counselling, intuition and medical intuition. It’s incredibly effective when going through very challenging aspects of life or situations with other people. Through observing the challenges of many of my long term clients, as well as the numerous friends that also come to see me. I noticed one thing that was very interesting. The most challenging individuals that they came across, ALL had the same qualities that these people also embodied.

The problem, is that most of us are not willing to really face our darkest inner selves and see how we are on a deeper level. Of course, within the ability that I am gifted with, I can see very clearly each person’s energetic qualities. Actually, I have had this ability very fine tuned since I was a very small child and have used it throughout my entire life, with absolute accuracy in every situation.

“We are made for goodness, love and compassion. Our lives are transformed as much as the world is when we live with these truths.” ~ Desmond Tutu

I noticed that we struggle with the abject of ourselves when we meet it face to face in another person. We fight back against them, with a dislike that we actually have towards these qualities that are hidden deep within ourselves. From a spiritual perspective, none of the mind stuff is our true identity. However, from a practical perspective, all of it is associated with our ego. The ego loves to hide its darkness away; out of sight out of mind. Therefore, we show a facade of a friendly demeanor and project outwardly how we would like others to perceive us. Ironically, I have always been able to feel the whole energy of a person, seeing what was hidden beneath.

“When you accept everything for what it is without labels,you are outside your ego.”~Eckhart Tolle.

When we are aware of our own darker tendencies, we learn to have compassion and acceptance towards others negative tendencies.  I am not saying that we accept others bad behaviour, yet we can accept the whole of the individual, even if we see that this person can lose their temper at times or is also human like us. If we can find a place of taking self-responsibility for who we are and all of our tendencies, then it’s easier to see the humanity of others. The reflections of the abject are the strongest in partnership, we see the negative qualities and start to point the finger in blame, “you are like this”. When really, we are most likely the same, in some way.

“When a ship is in the sea, it has to weather storms, rough seas and may even encounter whales or sharks, while the ship anchored in the harbour doesn’t face any such challenges. However, who would make a ship just to moor it in the harbour? When obstacles appear in life, we need to kindle our inner strength and spread the fragrance of selflessness and love. We should be able to lift up others who are drowning in grief.” Amma

One of the most powerful healing qualities is awareness, as once we are able to shed light on our own inner vulnerabilities we can work on changing them. Rather than finding constant fault with others behaviour. It’s far more self-empowering to continuously focus on our inner self and allow these patterns to deteriorate and eventually let them go.

In time, all things are possible if you make the sincere effort, all you need is the persistence and continual awareness. In time, you will attract much more harmonious relations and the depth of compassion and love will allow you to work through difficulties with others in a positive way.

In addition, it is important to maintain a certain level of discrimination and have healthy boundaries around those who we want in our lives.

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The Many Faces of Friendship

“All your identities at the body-mind level have been changing continuously, and none of them has been constant and faithful to you. Why then are you attracted to any of these identities by stating ‘I am like this’ or ‘I am like that’?” Nisargadatta

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Regardless of our age, when we look back over the course of our lives, we will see an interchange of numerous friendships that have come and gone, while others have stayed. Few of us actually give much thought to the phenomena of ‘friendship’; what does it really mean and why do we pursue this aspect of our lives with such a priority and need. In addition, many of us have had lovely friendships with kindred spirits, while other friendships have caused us tremendous pain and suffering.

Through our human interaction we have certain limitations, projections, and ideals that we measure ourselves and everyone else by. Thus, when we meet someone who appears to imbue qualities that we idealize for ourselves, we put forth the effort required to make that person our friend. However, what happens when that person does not live up to our ideal of friendship and our expectations are not meant. The result is that we turn against them and create some reason why we are no longer friends, often moving from a place of really liking that person to disliking them. Rarely do we actually stop to see the situation for what it really is, as our own version of ‘reality’ takes place within the perceptual faculties of our mind, which is often tainted by our own version of how we choose to see ourselves and others. We measures others value based on our own self measurement and we accept or deny others based on this very finite principle of our own self perception. Also, there is always something to be gained through friendship, even if we can not immediately see this, we are all searching for something better than ourselves, to fill the empty feeling that we all embody. 

This feeling of emptiness can only be felt when we can slow our minds down enough to attain a sense of inner reflexivity. In this state of awareness we all feel a deep sense of being incomplete. However, when we are not aware of the unconscious expression of our inner emptiness, we spend our lives constantly running after material objects, experiences, relationships of all kinds, and anything that we can find to keep our mind distracted, to fill the void of emptiness that we feel. Of course, friendship can be a beautiful phenomena of sharing and having the strength and support of someone who we feel fully accepts who we are. However, if that same person did something that we found unacceptable, most likely the friendship would be over. In this way, we go through life measuring our own sense of self and value based on the people we are constantly interacting with, mainly our group of friends. As we continue through life, these people often change, as we are constantly re-negotiating our own sense of self. Therefore, as we change and grow we seek to surround ourselves with such people who we feel are relatable in the ways that we value and find important.

At a spiritual level, all people that we come into contact with are karmically there for some reason, to teach us various lessons. This phenomena can be seen when we have very long and lovely friendships, yet even more so when we have friendships that turn out to be very painful and cause suffering to us in the end. In my own life, the majority of friendships have been very positive and strong, with many continuing friendships with people I have know for thirty years when we were young children, up to the new friends I am continuing to make.

Like most people, I have numerous positive friendships, yet in the last few years I have gone through some of the most negative experiences with people who were assumably friends. I mention this term very lightly in my own personal experience, as I know the feeling of a strong friendship and all of these negative experiences I never really felt that these people were actually my friends, yet due to other related factors, they were considered ‘friends’. In essence, I experienced some of the most psychologically manipulating and dysfunctional relationships of my life. The reality for me was very clear, as this was a pattern that this particular individual perpetuated in numerous relationships in their own life; constantly seeking to replicate this dysfunctional behavior. The lesson for me was that we need to be very careful who we allow into our lives, even if you are a kind person and have a huge range of acceptance of others, its very important to be highly discriminating. 

It is not my intention to ‘other’ people for their behavior, yet I strongly realize from making the mistake of feeling that I had to accept everyone no matter who they were. Dysfunctional individuals are very self destructive and if you associated with them, you will run the risk of great loss in some way.

In this way, difficult situations teach us the most profound lessons related to renegotiating our own inner strength, boundaries, and the level of discrimination that we need to live a life with as little harm as possible. In such situations, sometimes it is not until we can gain a more distant perspective that we can really asses the situation and realize that for whatever reason we had to go through that friendship and learn from it. In truth, we all carry inner negativity and certain levels of toxic behavior such as anger, greed, jealousy, hatred, and similar such emotional states. Everyone who comes through our lives can show us profound insight into ourselves, both the beautiful qualities that we embody and the deeper, darker unconscious negative tendencies that we all have to some degree.

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