The Numinous

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“Numinous /ˈnjuːmᵻnəs/ is an English adjective, derived from the Latin numen, meaning “arousing spiritual or religious emotion; mysterious or awe-inspiring”.”[1]

“Real love exists in the heart. The love that exists in the Heart cannot be spoken; it cannot be put in words. The heart is not the place for words. Words are in the intellect. The intellect can speak, but it is nothing more than a tape recorder. It records and spits out words and words and words – words that don’t have any feeling in them. The intellect cannot feel compassion; it cannot feel love or kindness.” Amma

As a spiritual aspirant, how can one even broach this abstract topic with mere words. I am capable of writing on many holistic topics, however it is the essence of spirituality and human transformation that captivate me, leaving me in deep water. Thus, I am at an impasse, trying to construct and galvanize something that in practicality, can not be caught and trapped by the finite demarcations of human language.

I will attempt to discuss the relationship of the devotee with their divine aspirations. Hence, the idea of the Numinous; the divine love that we all seek at some level, which is the unification with our own true sense of Self.

This experience is not something that one can even talk about. I rarely write or speak of my own deep personal connection to the Divine. However, I felt drawn to write this, due to a misconstrued sense of egoism I witnessed recently. The Numinous is not about hierarchy, popularity, power, or recognition for who we are, in the eyes of others.

“Lift the veil that obscures the heart, and there you will find what you are looking for.” Kabir

This relationship is so subtle, so personal and delicately intimate. The only similarity may be between lovers who are experiencing a higher expression of human love, not sensually based. The feeling of such a deep opening in your heart that you can not breath, you can not even speak of it, for it has possessed your soul. You are exhilarated, yet the subtle dance is only between you and your Beloved. There is no possible mechanism to translate this sublime love into any words that exist, for the feeling is one of being completely consumed. The dance of love, is so delicate and awe inspiring, it feels so deeply personal that to speak of such a precious thing would reduce its true essence to something of the worldly domain; losing all intrinsic value.

“What is the root of all these words? One thing: Love. But a love so deep and sweet it needed to express itself with scents, sounds, colours that never before existed.”  Hafiz

To engage at this level with the Divine; to taste the Numinous, is a delicate art that only very prolific poets may have half a hope of conveying, such as Rumi, Hafiz, and Kabir. The likes of, I used to literally have a stack of their books, which I would constantly be reading. Then life took me away from such things, down a different path, away from the essence of my heart.

“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.” Rumi

It has taken a long time to return to this sacred place, to find my way back to who I am and honour my own unique sense of expression in this world. Poetry is the essence of true expression for such an experience, as other such writing and words do not suffice.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi

True love and contact with the Numinous is not something anyone would yell off the roof top. Instead,  one turns inward and can only be absorbed into the abstract experience.

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Sacred Partnership

“Self inside self, you are nothing but me. Self inside self, I am only you. What we are together will never die. The why and now of this? What does it matter?” Lalla (1320-1392, the 14th Century North Indian female mystic)

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The majority of us search for the idealistic notion of, ‘true love’. To share our lives with an unfathomable beloved, in which we find complete union through the depth of love and bliss of the partnership. The search for such a sacred union is rarely the reality. There are numerous factors that determine the partner that we end up with in life; if we are meant to have a long relationship, numerous partners, or no partner at all. Obviously, for those who know the law of karma as a reality, we may have some unfinished business to share with another person, thus attracting partnerships that may not be as ideal as we had envisioned.

We always attract what we embody within ourselves. Thus, the true depth of finding this divine love and keeping the essence of this union burning, often has more to do with who we are on an inner level. This can be seen as our personal relationship with ourselves, as well as our level of maturity in life.

I felt inspired to write about love and partnership, after celebration the 15th year anniversary with my husband. We meant in our middle twenties and despite a life of constant change and challenges; we have endured. The truth of the matter, is that we have more than endured, we are living a relationship that is a ‘sacred union’. As with most new relationships when we first meant, we experienced a depth of love that seemed to transcend time, space, and causality, it was as though we had always known each other, effortlessly merged into one another; as separate entities, yet as one. This experience of fathomless love, true friendship and the depth of connection has endured for 15 years, despite facing more challenges in our time together, than one can imagine.

I have several absolutely beautiful female friends who are constantly moving through various partnerships, that come and go. These friends are constantly searching for their ‘sacred partner’ to share their life with, yet are not seeming to find this ideal person.

The truth of the matter is that, who you are as a person greatly depends on who you attract to yourself. In the case of my husband and myself, when we meant, both of us were very much focused on living a spiritual life. Thus, we were constantly finding greater self awareness and working with our self reflexivity, towards understanding our own minds. When we dedicate our life to this practice, we realize that everything in the transient external world, including other people will never make us happy; we must find true joy and contentment on an inner level. Therefore, when we came together, we were not dependent on each other for eternal love, peace, or happiness. Instead, throughout our time together we have always been very independent people, working on ourselves, yet sharing our space with each other; without the projected dependence of trying to extract love or joy from each other.

Of course, when you find a life long partnership that is very powerful, there are often other factors. We apparently have no, ‘karmic’ ties between us, meaning we were not brought together to work out some karmic lesson, which is a good thing. Instead, our relationship, is referred to as a ‘spouse of destiny’, as one vedic astrologer told me. We are together to evolve spiritually through our partnership. In this way, we have never tried to change each other, instead we have always allowed the uniqueness of each other to shine forth, supporting the strengths and beauty of our own personal evolution.

In my experience, even the most compatible partnership there will still be issues and fights. Yet, when we take self responsibility for our words and actions, it is easier to reach a greater understanding of the other person’s point of view. Another factor essential in maintaining clear communication and harmony, that I learned from my husband, is the ability to be very honest and straightforward. Thus, when there are differences of opinion, when discussed directly, the issue can be resolved very efficiently and quickly.

The energy of love, is a universal energy that is not just allocated to people in ‘love’, thus with this understanding there is greater compassion and compromise when facing difficult situations. It is my opinion that no one should settle for a mediocre or dependent relationship, it is far more productive to be alone. I have always said, ‘never settle for less’, even if that means you abstain from dating for a certain period of time, this will help to give the capacity to be detached and find an awareness of what the most complimentary partnership looks like.

The truth is that the advice I give to others, is the same advice I have used in my own life. When I was in my very early twenties, I had the great opportunity to travel and live all over the world for over six years. Thus, at that time in my life, I also understood very clearly what I was seeking, through the clarity of my own understanding of myself and the partner I wanted to spend my life with. I focused most of my energy living in other countries, travelling,  and doing sadhana. Instead, I waited very patiently for a partner that I could spend my life with, rather than the constantly revolving relationships that I had already witnessed.

Through this practice, I did find much more than a partner to share my life with, I have a sacred partnership with a man who is an extremely strong person, an infinitely kind human being, who tries his best to live his life with awareness. There are few people like my husband, yet we walk the same path, as individuals that are forged as one. Even as time passes, our moments together are as new as if we have just meant, yet are steeped in a profound love and strength that is unmeasurable and eternal. I know many people who also share such relationships, with constant work on ourselves, all things are possible.

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