“Inner peace always follows in the wake of pain. To teach the state of joy, you first have to experience pain. Pain in the beginning and lasting happiness at the end is far superior to happiness in the beginning and long-lasting pain at the end. Pain is an unavoidable part of life. Without having suffered in some way, you cannot experience and appreciate peace or happiness.” ~ Amma
How can we love unconditionally when we can barely love from a pure energetic perspective. There needs to be compassion and complete acceptance, therefore bypassing the intellectual criticism and judgment.
“True love is unconquerable and irresistible; And it goes on gathering power and spreading itself, until eventually it transforms everyone whom it touches.” ~ Meher Baba
I went through a literal Dark Night of the Soul, which unearth the darkest aspects within. I became many ways, yet no matter how ugly or broken I was; my husband and best friend, was always there for me. He helped and supported me in every single way that I needed.
I have witnessed numerous relationships around me spiral through partners. When they end, there is an excuse of how this person had this issue or that issue and it would never work. I think, if only they knew the issues my husband and I went through, these people would have been harrowed and haggard by the process. Yet, to really have deep love, it needs to be seeds that are planted deep in the earth of connection. The roots that bind us are so deep, beyond this lifetime.
Regardless of everything, the engulfing love and support of my husband has been a balm of healing and self empowerment in my life. I owe him a loyalty unlike anything you see in this superficial world. He is a part of my soul, we are not separate. Our connection is beyond the body, beyond the superficial aspects of this world. His strength is like an endless power that does not stop; it gives life to all those who touch it.
“When you touch deep understanding and love, you are healed.” Thich Nhat Hanh
I have meant many people in my life, yet none could even compare to him, in any way. As one of the best Vedic astrologers said to him, “you are better than everyone, even though you think that you are less”. He is humble, powerful, intelligent and dharmic to the core. There is very little to no hypocrisy in this person. Of course he is a human being who has issues and various personality tendencies. Yet, he is able to move onward from everything.
I found myself returning to the past, reiterating the painful situations that broke me down, into fragments. He would tell me to move forward, there is no reason to hold onto something that is no longer here. He is right.
“Anything you avoid in life will come back, over and over again, until you’re willing to face it—to deeply look into its true nature. Again, the only way to know that we’ve seen into the true nature of something is that the story we’re telling ourselves releases. It is not only seen to be illusion; it is felt to be illusion. I often tell my students to stick with it until it falls away. The choice is between meditative inquiry and becoming a victim. That’s the choice you have—to be a victim to your own ideas and beliefs, or to feel into them until they drop away.”~ Adyashanti
After going through difficulties we must move forward and rewire our brains to be present. I see the power and necessity to let the past rest and forgive it’s hard grip that nearly sucked the life out of me.
Instead, the Divine grace allowed me to have a profound space of being here and now. A space to put my luggage down, rest and return to the point of my origin. A space that allowed a tremendous transformation to occur in my life. The grace of your Guru is like a rebirth, although it’s not instant; you may need to suffer like hell until you can really let go and find some element of surrender.
In that moment, something massive shifts and in a small way you can wake up to your entire life, with a deeper perception and awareness. It was as though a thin veil or fog had lifted. One that had occluded my vision for my entire life. I felt a clarity of being and direction that I actually strongly felt when I was younger. However, the rope of karma pulled me, as a noose around my neck so far off my path that I had to endure a sense of complete loss of identity, in order to return again to the essence of who I am in this life.
“Spirituality is not a journey forward; it is a journey backward. We return to our original source of existence. In that process, we have to pass through the layers of emotions and vasanas (mental tendencies) we have accumulated so far. That is where the pain comes from, not from outside. By going through these layers with an open attitude, we are, in fact, transcending them, which will ultimately take us to the abode of supreme peace and bliss.” Amma
Regardless of the difficulties in my life, I hang tightly onto my spiritual practices and never let my hand slip from my grasp onto my spiritual teacher. Her grace and deep guidance is absolute. I see this clearly, everything occurs to strip off the ignorance that covers us. When you embark on the spiritual path with sincerity, the grace of Guru will bring you closer to God; not to the goals and aspirations that we all seek through our ego identity.
The infinite foot of grace crushed the ego identity that I would not let go of. I had to suffer greatly prior to finally letting go. Once I let go, it was as though I fell into such a profound sense of coming home-to-myself. Of course, I am not enlightened, yet a massive layer has been stripped off. A certain freedom lays here beneath the surface. A joy bubbles forth that can not be contained.
The sharp knife of life once it stabs into you and you develop the resilience and strength; that deep vulnerability of weakness is sanded away. It can’t be touched, because it does not exist anymore. I can stand alone, even if the entire world is against me.