“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.” ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
“If we do not know how to take care of ourselves and to love ourselves, we cannot take care of the people we love. Loving oneself is the foundation for loving another person.” Thich Nhat Hanh
An epidemic has infiltrated our perception of how we perceive other people; in this erroneous commodity infused search for the perfect person. The abject of our own darkness, hidden so deep beneath our own subconscious. Collectively as an entire society; we do not learn to accept ourselves or find true value by just being our own authentic selves.
We are constantly bombarded by media and numerous non-stop flashes of information clearly telling us that we are not good enough just as we are. I encounter this element within almost every single person I meet. We all feel a deep need to hide our anger, fear, insecurities and infinite spectrum of issues tightly concealed behind closed doors.
Since we can’t accept ourselves; we certainly can not accept those same issues encountered within another. Instead, we paint a convincing facade on the outside and desperately search for the ‘perfect’ people to fill our lives with. We all enjoy spending time with ‘positive’ people, who are all smiles and nothing complicated or intense beneath the surface. If we happen so see some weakness, vulnerability or some other pain inflicted; instantly this person becomes someone who ‘has issues’, is ‘a bitch’ or some other type of ostracizing label.
“Sometimes everything we want is right in front of us, but we don’t see it because it hasn’t been delivered in the package we wanted. We routinely throw away miracles simply by refusing to see them.” ~ Marianne Williamson
This element exists so deeply within our collective unconscious that even in spiritual circles, where people are making an effort to have self awareness and transcend the limitations of their own sense of selves; this quality is still very apparent.
I see this element all too often in relationships. At first the person is perfect, then slowly as the deeper under-layers become revealed, the person is usually cast aside due to the fact that they have ‘issues’. Ironically, I have witnessed this behaviour in people who have issues that they can’t face. They can never find the perfect partner no matter who they meet, there is always something wrong.
It is only when we can embrace the totality of who we are in-this-moment, before we can completely embrace another. I am grateful in my life to have a husband and life partner who completely and absolutely accepts me for who I am and I accept him with the same depth. Of course, our issues come up, yet we have the ability to move beyond them, due to the mutual love we have for one another.
“The difficulty is not in expressing love, but in letting go of the ego. Love is our true nature. It is already present within us, but we are held back by our individual boundaries. We have to outgrow our individuality in order to merge into universal love. The ego stands in the way of love. Once it is removed, we will flow like a river.” Amma
The love I am talking about is humble, yielding, compassionate, self sacrificing and fully accepting.
When all we do is commoditize people based on how successful, attractive, or alluring they appear; it might fill our superficial desires for a period of time. Yet, inevitably we will feel a sense of emptiness pervading our lives. Until we can find a place to fully accept ourselves exactly as we are; will we be able to accept others as they are.
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