Reconciliation With Oneself

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson

 Screen-Shot-2014-03-24-at-4.24.22-PMToday, the rain has been coming down, leaving the dense green vegetation covered in the drops that fall from the sky, from the branches, onto the lower leaves. The birds have all flown to cover, yet I am here alone witnessed only by the dimly lit sky, overcast and shedding its tears upon the earth. I feel a deep sadness and emptiness filling me, something much deeper and painful than just a passing mood or feeling. I deeply contemplate the life I have thus far lived, at this vantage point very little makes sense to me. I wonder how I ended up at this temporary destination. A dull hopelessness fills me so completely, that I can do nothing to keep it at bay. There are no distractions to take my mind away from the clouds that have covered the sun within my heart, which normally cast its brilliance in an expansive exuberance.

“There is nothing to practice. To know yourself, be yourself. To be yourself, stop imagining yourself to be this or that. Just be. Let your true nature emerge. Don’t disturb your mind with seeking.” Nisargadatta Maharaj

The rain has a purifying effect on nature, through the dissolution of the previous energetic imprints, now pure vibrance is being rained back down upon the earth. Even though, its as if the falling of each drop carries a secret sadness. Through the deepest expression of this indescribable sadness, perhaps as one sheds tears, there is a deeper cleansing of our negative tendencies. A deeper surrender into the folds of a universal power and intelligence that is far superior than our own limited minds. I feel as though I have fallen into the impossible, fighting for something that perhaps does not exist, nor will ever exits; the dreams I have carried for most of my life, the goals that have taken shape through the life I have lived, and the dreams that have filled my heart. All of these beautiful intentions, continuously transforming as I myself constantly change. Yet, it feels that regardless of my best effort, still I am as far away from the metamorphosis of these dreams, into reality.

“You cannot transcend what you do not know. To go beyond yourself, you must know yourself.” Nisargatta Maharaj

I dreamed a dream, perhaps an impossible dream; it was magnificently perfect, a life I longed to live. Now, is a time of letting such dreams fall away, as rain cleanses the earth, so too is it time to begin anew. To embrace the new, the person that I am today, allowing a deeper expression of creativity and freedom to fill my life; rather than clinging to ideals that began almost half my lifetime ago. Its a cosmic lesson in letting go of the old, despite the pain associated. One must completely allow the past to become just that, the past. In order for one to fully reach within to our deepest potential, to truly feel alive in the present moment. I realize only now, that I trapped myself in a self deterministic prison, with all of these goals and dreams. Thus, they created such a constricted sense of confinement to the pure expression of who I am, as a person. I only allowed myself to reach towards a limited array of options, which fit only a very small aspect of who I have always been.

“Just let go. Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness.” Caroline Myss

The wind has started to slightly blow the branches of the giant fir tree, like a huge guardian, his branches sway back and forth. I can see numerous small, delicately transparent drops of water clinging to each branch, like an exquisite tapestry created through the perfection of natures organic and unstructured patterns. Perhaps, its time that I started living my life through the perfect, unstructured, beautifully organic matrix that life offers to each and every one of us. To be free of our outdated confines, is a truly freeing feeling, even with a reminisce of sadness, bidding farewell to that which no longer serves our greatest expression.

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