The Reflexivity of Being

If you knew yourself for even one moment, if you could glimpse your most beautiful face, maybe you wouldn’t slumber so deeply in that house of clay. Why not move into your house of joy and shine into every crevice! For you are the secret Treasure-bearer, and always have been. Didn’t you know?  ” Rumi

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There is one aspect of attempting to convey one’s experiential experiences through the medium of language, specifically writing that I find problematic. Although I find myself attempting to communicate in this fashion, I am continuously aware of the limitation of this medium. Its very easy to extrapolate some theoretical jargon, as I have seen all too frequently through the world of written and spoken communication. Its far more complex to attempt to convey one’s own personal epiphany or paradigm of deeper understanding, in a way that is meaningful and that can transcend throughout a varied audience of readers. I mention this fact, as through my life long love and experience of living a holistic lifestyle, which I have written about throughout the various themes that comprise Sattva Holistic. I realize that the paradigm of what I have previously believed constituted living a holistic lifestyle, has been shifted to a very different level of perception. Thus, I am fully aware of how much the body centered Western culture had indeed affected my train of thought and inevitably acted as a filter towards how I perceived myself and how I interacted with the world. 

I have written quite a few blogs on what I believe to be a holistic lifestyle, via various topics. In addition, the life that I have lived up until this point was what is considered a holistic lifestyle, under the very popular paradigm of that word. However, currently I am strongly realizing that due to putting so much focus on balancing the body through organic or heath supplementing dietary regimes, we are continuing to reinforce the body centric Cartesian dualism of our current philosophical paradigm. I thought that in some way I was moving beyond this body centered reality, yet I realize that much of what I was doing in my own lifestyle was heavily focused on attaining greater physical health, it was my main priority, everything else came secondary.

The truth of the matter, is that throughout my life I have been very drawn towards the realm of inner transformation, yet the outer world of health and what constitutes finding this rare medium of physical balance seemed to be my focal point over the last decade. In the time since I left North America and have started to live a very different lifestyle, I realize that the holistic obsession with being physically healthy, to the maximum of standards, is something that does not create any real change on a holistic level. Of course, if your body is out balance and one attempts to find some greater degree of energy and wellbeing, this is normal. Yet, all things in the physical world are impermanent and constantly changing, thus to focus so extensively on a changing dynamic is literally a waste of one’s energy and time in life. It is important to eat organic and health based foods, yet we must look within for any lasting change to take place, even on the physical level. 

I was living a lifestyle rich with everything possible to attain physical vitality, yet on an inner level like many people, I was living a very stressful life, dealing with a huge issue after injuring my hands two years ago, and the resulting emotional frustration. I see now, that by focusing so much on the body, I did not fully embody the true sense of holism. This realization came to me, when I arrived in India and realized how mentally and emotionally stagnant I actually felt, as a result of the last few years of stress. It was a powerful epiphany, to see the inner suffering that I carried, yet in my daily routine in the West, it was not that much of a focal point. Here, where I am currently living, its a daily focal point, to embody a sense of inner reflexivity. To be constantly aware of one’s inner world and to do practices that focus and still the mind, thus to find greater inner peace and wellbeing. In a little over a month, I was able to move through the mass of stagnation, thus finding a sense of joy that I may not have experienced ever in my life. This is a powerful point, as if you had meant me prior to coming here, you would most likely find me positive and a relatively happy person. Yet, deep joy that radiates out in undulating energy without limits, is something I can not really remember experiencing since I was very young. This experience magnified the real issue and the importance of focusing mostly on our inner selves, rather than the body.

When we make the effort to embody greater inner awareness and allow the necessary transformation that is taking place every second to occur, we can find ourselves much freer than we could have ever imagined. Even more interesting, is that the joy I feel does not necessarily come from anything in my external world, with all the constant distractions that we chase after searching for happiness. I have experienced this type of transient joy found through the external worlds abundance of luminous and illusive objects. However, this inner feeling is something very different, it arises mostly when I least expect it, without any external stimuli to produce its emanating effect. Thus, through the life I have lived, and the extreme amount of challenges that have come before me, I realize that to really find a truly holistic lifestyle, one must first look within and have the strength and the discipline to do the necessary work. It is certainly not an easy task to sit with one’s self, yet the fruits of this labour are much richer than anything the external world can provide for you.

Through the powerful epiphany of experiencing this phenomena, I realize this is the one place in the world I feel tremendous harmony. Thus, my husband and I are going to do everything in our power to try to live here for as long as we can. The truth of the matter is that life is much shorter than most of us think and goes by at a rate that is faster than we can fathom. Hence, it has taken me this long to finally come home to rest in a place that brings forth the most precious gifts, through the feeling of deep inner joy and peace. I am also aware that this feeling may not always be there, yet I also realize that the work I am doing through inner transformation has a lasting affect that is far greater than just focusing on eating all organic everything and taking a massive amount of organic food based supplements. I do still enjoy and love organic everything, yet my focus has shifted towards something that creates true change on a deep level. Thus, we must first seek to purify and transform our negative tendencies that we all carry, as there is no amount of external purification that can bring about true holistic balance. If our mind remains filled with negativity, it will have a direct impact and affect on the body, regardless of the most pure lifestyle that we are living.

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